No makeup, foggy mind, tired body, thinning hair and extreme weight loss are what I often see when I look in the mirror.Honestly some days it’s hard to have a good attitude. All the answers to my questions go unanswered. Simple things like ordering pizza for my son is complicated due to reactions to the smell. Yep, that’s right, the smell. Avoiding sunlight, heat, pollen, cold...pretty much anything outside. I’ve been robbed of being in nature. Going out to eat has stopped and I’m down to eating the same 10 foods over and over and over. This illness/disorder/prison sucks and it’s so easy to let the negativity of it all consume me. But I am a fighter and I won’t go down that easy. I won’t give up.
I’ve hesitated to share much about this. I thought I would do that on the other side of this, when I’m well. I know I will be well again, I just don’t know when. In the meantime, there are others out there struggling and maybe my message from the depths of the darkness I’ve been living in will help. Just because I’m sick, doesn’t mean I don’t have purpose.
There is so much more to me than this illness. I must fight to remember that. I am still me. I am still the same scrappy, big hearted, outspoken woman I was before the illness and I will not be beaten. I will grow. I will learn. I will come out of this season of life stronger than ever.
If you are struggling, I hope you know you aren’t alone. I pray that you understand how important you are and that you were put on this earth for a reason. You are more than your circumstances. You are awesome and strong and you have purpose, just as you are.