For too many years I’ve been ashamed of my body. When I was young it was because I was flat chested and too skinny. As I grew older I hated the way my body matured. When I looked in the mirror I saw scars, stretch marks and cellulite, so I covered it up. Out of sight, out of mind…right? I missed out on fun adventures because I was too ashamed of what my body would look like in certain clothes – especially swimsuits.

So what changed? I can remember this like it was yesterday. My son was taking swim lessons and asked me why I didn’t get in the pool. My response was…yep, you guessed it…”I’m too fat and I don’t look good in a swimsuit.” The innocence and honesty of a child is precious, and in that moment he replied, “You’re not fat. You’re fluffy and beautiful.” He didn’t see what I saw. He looked beyond the scars, stretch marks, and cellulite to see the strong woman who loves him beyond measure.

I was missing out on making memories with my family…but why? Because I didn’t have a perfect body? Because I didn’t compare to the models in the magazines? Then I had this sinking feeling. What am I teaching my son? My message had been clear, I didn’t have a perfect body so I didn’t deserve to have fun. Ok, so that’s not what I said, but that’s how I acted. As if my body shape determined my happiness and worth. Honestly, at times, that’s how I felt. This body had let me down. It felt unfair.

There I was, face to face with the truth, yet unwilling to accept it. I had to change. Not my weight or shape but my attitude. I evaluated each part of my body I had grown to hate and realized just how amazing this body was. This body had survived college, stressful jobs, bad relationships, and bad food. It had comforted loved ones in their last days on earth, created life, and healed scraped elbows and broken hearts.

This body is unique, unlike any other. It houses and empowers a strong willed, scrappy southern woman with a kind heart. Each scar and dimple helps tell the story of this life…my life.

My weight will go up and down. My shape will change. My goal is to be healthy and confident in this body and that is why I wear a bikini. It reminds me that happiness comes from within and confidence is beautiful regardless of size.